You might be wondering what you're in for if you start reading this. You and me both, pal. I have no clue.
But here's the plan. I am going to spend a year doing things that make me happy. For every single opportunity that comes my way I will ask myself "Will doing this make me happy?" and evaluate from there.
It is important to note that I have never been in a position such as this before, so this is a very new experience for me. I have always been reliant on my income to make a life for myself and my daughter. I am probably having more difficulty adjusting to that, than anything else. It just so happens that we can now afford to live on my husband's salary and be a little more practical than before. It will warrant a huge change in lifestyle, and I am unlikely to continue my recent trend of travelling by air about once a month. That was mostly due to work but I didn't hate it... I love the feeling of going someplace new.
In order to start doing things that make me happy, I'm going to have to list some of those things out. I once went to a palm reader who told me that I only know what I do not like, until I have tried it I cannot determine if I like something or not. Its true. I am very open to new experiences and its been said many times before that my "box is big" (I do mean many times). This refers to my interesting and creative career path. I've worked mostly for non-profits but I have ranged in everything from construction to managing a high school debate team. I was a lowly part-time employee and about 5 years later I was an executive at the same company. I have worked in animal rescue and once was a tax preparer. I am an excel ninja and I also have a degree in professional writing. I once taught summer programs about environmental science and then worked for a credit card company immediately after. I actually did the science thing in the summer and worked odd jobs in the winter. Once I worked in residential treatment for children with attachment disorders. Those kids were the most beautiful people to ever grace the face of this earth. Every single one of them had a story that would wrench your heart in half, and so badly needed love to fill up the emptiness. Every single one is stamped permanently into my brain.
So, my box is big. So what. Yours probably is big too. Admit it, you've done some weird stuff.
I am going to write about everything that comes up over the course of the next year. I am going to find a way to make everything in my life beautiful. I am going to be vulnerable and leap into the wind. Or some other hippie shit like that. I don't know. I really enjoy cooking so I will probably write about that. In fact, I went on a Food Tour last week with a friend. We actually took an entire trip to track down little restaurants all along the coast of California. We focused somewhat on handmade ice creams, since we love to make ice cream but also did quite the sampling of fine espressos and I DIGRESS. Captain Distraction, that's me. I am a fine and experienced procrastinator. I can procrastinate so well that I don't even know until I've included half a pointless story because that's what popped into my head when we started talking. Now you're looking at me as if I may be insane, time to loop back around. Uh... I am also going to do something with a very cute journal that I bought at a cute book store in San Diego last week while I was gallivanting around the coast. I spelled gallivanting wrong. Two "L"s. I have a dear friend who forces her innocent house guests to record three things that they are grateful for. It really puts you on the spot. She writes down the date and the answers of each person present. Shes really good at gratitude. I should learn from that.
So I bought the journal. I might write what I am grateful for every day or I might use it to record my Conquest of Happiness. I haven't really figured it out yet. Also, I am a writer, with a degree, that never really writes. So the key to all of this is that I have to write. I have to get more comfortable putting words to page. And it has to be my truth, my real life because I am too lazy to maintain a character. Possibly should evaluate my desire to conquer happiness. Is it the kind of thing you can conquer or does that make it submit and therefore go away? I guess it depends on the person.
I think its safe to say I may be having an existential crisis.
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