Hold On To Your Hat

You might be wondering what you're in for if you start reading this. You and me both, pal. I have no clue.

But here's the plan. I am going to spend a year doing things that make me happy. For every single opportunity that comes my way I will ask myself "Will doing this make me happy?" and evaluate from there.

It is important to note that I have never been in a position such as this before, so this is a very new experience for me. I have always been reliant on my income to make a life for myself and my daughter. I am probably having more difficulty adjusting to that, than anything else. It just so happens that we can now afford to live on my husband's salary and be a little more practical than before. It will warrant a huge change in lifestyle, and I am unlikely to continue my recent trend of travelling by air about once a month. That was mostly due to work but I didn't hate it... I love the feeling of going someplace new.

In order to start doing things that make me happy, I'm going to have to list some of those things out. I once went to a palm reader who told me that I only know what I do not like, until I have tried it I cannot determine if I like something or not. Its true. I am very open to new experiences and its been said many times before that my "box is big" (I do mean many times). This refers to my interesting and creative career path. I've worked mostly for non-profits but I have ranged in everything from construction to managing a high school debate team. I was a lowly part-time employee and about 5 years later I was an executive at the same company. I have worked in animal rescue and once was a tax preparer. I am an excel ninja and I also have a degree in professional writing. I once taught summer programs about environmental science and then worked for a credit card company immediately after. I actually did the science thing in the summer and worked odd jobs in the winter. Once I worked in residential treatment for children with attachment disorders. Those kids were the most beautiful people to ever grace the face of this earth. Every single one of them had a story that would wrench your heart in half, and so badly needed love to fill up the emptiness. Every single one is stamped permanently into my brain.

So, my box is big. So what. Yours probably is big too. Admit it, you've done some weird stuff.

I am going to write about everything that comes up over the course of the next year. I am going to find a way to make everything in my life beautiful. I am going to be vulnerable and leap into the wind. Or some other hippie shit like that. I don't know.  I really enjoy cooking so I will probably write about that. In fact, I went on a Food Tour last week with a friend. We actually took an entire trip to track down little restaurants all along the coast of California. We focused somewhat on handmade ice creams, since we love to make ice cream but also did quite the sampling of fine espressos and I DIGRESS. Captain Distraction, that's me. I am a fine and experienced procrastinator. I can procrastinate so well that I don't even know until I've included half a pointless story because that's what popped into my head when we started talking. Now you're looking at me as if I may be insane, time to loop back around. Uh... I am also going to do something with a very cute journal that I bought at a cute book store in San Diego last week while I was gallivanting around the coast. I spelled gallivanting wrong. Two "L"s. I have a dear friend who forces her innocent house guests to record three things that they are grateful for. It really puts you on the spot. She writes down the date and the answers of each person present. Shes really good at gratitude. I should learn from that.

So I bought the journal. I might write what I am grateful for every day or I might use it to record my Conquest of Happiness. I haven't really figured it out yet. Also, I am a writer, with a degree, that never really writes. So the key to all of this is that I have to write. I have to get more comfortable putting words to page. And it has to be my truth, my real life because I am too lazy to maintain a character. Possibly should evaluate my desire to conquer happiness. Is it the kind of thing you can conquer or does that make it submit and therefore go away? I guess it depends on the person.

I think its safe to say I may be having an existential crisis.

A Year of Happ(iness).

Hi, I'm Chelanna. I am going through a pretty huge life change right now. Oddly close to the new year, I have decided to record what happens in my life for the next year. Some friends and I decided that 2015 is going to be our year. We're going to reach out and take 2015 by the cajones and squeeze. This is an attempt to conquer all the insanity of the last few years - so much loss, fear and life lessons. Everything has been beautiful and terrible at the same time. I'm talking serious shit here folks, life, death, and everything in between.

I am currently facing unemployment. I am using up my accrued vacation and when I return to work its likely that I will no longer have a job. My organization recently faced major layoffs, eliminating about 1/3 of our full-time staff. My salary, as an executive was on the low side for my position but on the high side of what was being kept around. I was demoted to a part time employee effective in the new year, and I left for my planned vacation. On the first day of my trip, the decision was reached that I would be eliminated. It was a little surreal. I sort of felt like I was being chased by some ancient army, a la Braveheart, and they'd settle for nothing less than my head on a pike. And then..... whoosh. Not. My. Problem. If you're curious why I know this even though I am still on vacation.... well that's another story. I proceeded to decide that it was no longer important and I went on a fabulous vacation with one of my dearest friends.

Despite my somewhat zen nature about the whole event, it is a major life change. It all feels a little removed right now and I'm sure everything will feel more real as time goes on... or it won't... maybe it will all just fade into the background.

I have never really been unemployed. There was a period of time, once, in which I did not have a job for several months. I also had no money in the bank, no college degree and limited credit. That last part might actually have been good, no one needs an expansive credit limit when they have no money or job. That short stint was followed by another 6 months of only working part time and then several years of working full time on an extremely low salary. I almost lost my house but skated by on the skin of my teeth and got it refinanced for a lower payment.

I have also never really failed at anything. Unless you count college trigonometry. That I failed at, abundantly. There is a reason I never understand anything my husband says about work. He's an engineer, I am not.

So here's the deal. Next week I am going to lose my job and make some major changes to my life. And I am going to write about it for the internet.

Back to the pact of 2015. This is the year where we pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and get out there to be our own, true, genuine selves. We cant stop bad things from happening, but we can change how we let it affect us. My biggest challenge is being happy. I am great at being busy, but happiness is not something I generally take the time to cultivate. I haved too many other things to do. Now I have to focus on the little things for a while.